All Praise to Allah
One day, my daughter told me that her friend will marry soon. She told my daughter what kind of dress she will wear and how the wedding party will be. At that moment I thought, many people only think about what the party will be look like, who will be invited, etc. It must be a lot of preparation and a lot of money will spend for the wedding party. But do we think about preparation for marriage itself? How to have a marriage once in a lifetime, how to ensure to select the most suitable partner, to choose soul mates that will love us, care about us and bring us closer to Allah Subhanahu waTa’ala based on Quran and Sunnah to have a successful marriage?
Recently, we face a crisis as the rate of singles, the average marriage age, as well as the rate of divorce increase in Muslim community. It is alarming that the rate of divorce has risen especially in the first or second year of marriage.
It indicates that many couple do not really know their partner’s personality and life style before marriage.
So, how can we build a successful marriage? What does Islam say about choosing a spouse? What characteristics that we want to have based on criteria set out by Quran and Sunnah?
Allah Subhanahu waTa’ala tells us in the Quran: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect” (Quran 30: 21).
We all want to have a happy blessed marriage with a husband that is a true source of love and mercy. Therefore, we have to be wise in choosing a husband – the person who you will spend most of your time with; give your love and energy to. He will be the father of your children and your companion on the path to jannah in sha Allah.
There are many characteristics that are important in a husband or a wife such as wealth, beauty, rank, character, congeniality, compatibility, religion, etc.
The Prophet Shalallahu ‘alaihi wasallam taught us in many hadith about various characteristics which every Muslim should consider when they look for a spouse in sha Allah. Among those hadith:
“A man may marry for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper”. (Bukhari and Muslim).
Prophet Muhammad Shalallahu ‘alaihi wasallam recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (deen) and character.
Prophet Muhammad Shalallahu ‘alaihi wasallam assured the bounty of Allah to those who wish to get married and live a pure and clean life.
Woman also has right to look at her prospective husband. Many scholars have stated that “Women like the same things as we like.” Some have even said that it is more important for woman to see her prospective husband. This is because a man holds the right of instant and unconditional divorce in case he is displeased with his wife. While it is not so easy for the woman to get out of a marriage and so she must have priority in this issue.
“Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity “(Quran 24:26)
So before marriage, it is important to look at:
- Religiousness (When a man came to the Prophet (S) to seek guidance for selecting a spouse, he (S) said, “It is binding upon you to have a religious spouse).
- Good Nature (good akhlaq)
- Compatibility (A man questioned the Prophet of Islam (S), “Whom must we marry?” He replied, “The suitable (matches).” “Who are the suitable matches?” The Prophet (S) responded, “Some of the faithfuls are match for others.” Imam Sadiq (A.S.) said, “An intelligent and wise woman must not be matched except with a sage and wise man”
- Decent Family (The Messenger of Allah Shalallahu ‘alaihi wasallam has given great emphasis on taking into consideration a good family background when we intend to marry.
- “Islamic law has placed certain restrictions on the choice of your spouse depending upon blood relationships and religious affiliations.
- Physical and mental health
Wallahu a’lam
