Bismillahir Ar Rahmanir Rahiim
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah be showered upon our Beloved Messenger, his family, companions, and those who follow them.
Last month, one of my nieces got married. Many of our families and friends came to the wedding party. The bride and bride groom looked very happy, everybody was happy and we prayed du’a as Rasulullah (peace be upon him) taught us:
“Allahumma ijma’syamlahuma wa allif baina qulubaihima waj’alhuma wa dzurriyyatahuma min waratsatil jannah warzuq huma dzurriyyatan thahiratan mubarakatan waj’al dzurriyyatahuma albarakah waj’alhum aimmatan yahduna biamrika íla tha’atik.” (O Allah, gather them in kindness and unite their hearts and give them both a descendant who is a resident of heaven. And give to both of them a good descent, sacred, full of blessing. And their descendants make every blessing and made them all the leaders to be a guidance by obey your commands). Aamiin.
Some of the guests whose daughters have not married yet wished their daughters and sons would soon find a good spouse and marry. We all wish to marry and to settle down with a comforting partner in our lives and we often begin to hope and dream of a husband during our teens. The budding desire to have half our deen completed as soon as possible takes hold of us. Women want to have a spouse who practically makes her life amazing, comfortable, and happy with kids who make their home like a heaven. Men also want this.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who stressed that marriage is a religious duty and consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity, said:
“Marriage is my Sunnah (tradition), so whoever turns away from my Sunnah does not belong to me.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Contemplating this hadith, we realize that nothing else in our religion has the potential to effectively improve the quality of our life, our work, our health, our faith, our children, our entire world and hereafter as our life partner – our spouse.
As we live in close communities, like in Saudi Arabia where it is difficult to find a spouse by ourselves, parents or family members will usually help their children to find a spouse as they know best in seeking the right husband or wife for their children.
However, parents must be open and attentive to what their children are looking for and must never forget the element of choice. Ultimately, it is their son or daughter who is going to make the final decision. In this case, parents should ask their daughter if someone proposes to her.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger (peace be upon him) said:
لا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمر ولا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذن قالوا يا رسول الله وكيف إذنها قال أن تسكت
“There should not be marrying of a widow before discussing with her and you should not marry girls (virgins) before asking her permission.” They asked, “O Messenger of Allah, how do we know if her permission is granted?” He replied, “By her silence.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari no. 5136 and Muslim no. 1419).
If our parents and the members of our family are unable to help in this process, then there are some other ways to obtain a future wife or husband, such as;
- During a women’s party or woman gathering, we as mothers can ask if their daughters or their sons are ready for marriage and we can arrange to make a visit to discuss matter further.
- It is fine to meet someone through school, work or a community gathering as long as the parameters of modest behavior are observed. Also, asking married friends if their husbands know of any single brothers is possible. In these instances, make sure to let your friends know what you are looking for in a spouse and vice versa for men.
- Nowadays there are several online matrimonial websites where you can look for potential suitors. We can’t vouch for each and every website, but some successful matches have resulted from online matrimonials. Two of the most popular sites are: www.zawaj.com and nikah.com. Some matrimonial sites require that a sister has a wali (guardian) in order to post her CV while others prefer that the sister post her wali’s contact information rather than her own. This is obviously for the sister’s protection.
A note of caution about online matrimonial websites: the nature of cyberspace lends itself to anonymity. It’s very easy for people to misrepresent themselves online.
Fadia Jiffry has written in Arab News that a total of 65 percent of Saudi women meet their spouses on social networking websites, while only 35 percent resort to the traditional way of proposing with the consent of family members.
A survey conducted by a local newspaper has reported that Marwan Hadi, a marriage consultant, says, “It is usually not recommended, especially for girls, to find their spouses through social networking sites. They might not see the harm in it now, but results have shown that the majority of such cases have failed.”
Therefore we should make sure that the wali or family thoroughly checks the person out before proceeding with the first meeting, and always insist that the potential suitor provide references. This advice applies to whoever you meet, whether it’s through a website or at school or work or anything else. Similarly, with the traditional way of proposing according to the consent of family members, we should ask about the prospective spouse prior to meeting.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi).
He also advised: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim).
For Muslim men, the standards of what to look for in an ideal wife are found in the prophetic tradition. Rasulullah (peace be upom him) said:
“A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Al Bukhari).
There is no better example or precedent of an ideal husband for a muslimah than the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He was the most loving, kind, humble, merciful, compassionate, loyal, trust-worthy, and generous husband to have ever have existed; indeed his example in every facet of life is perfect and the list of his attributes are far too many to enumerate For this reason, he is the standard that every Muslim woman should use when looking for a spouse.
Some of the wali’s make the mahr (dowry) high, which causes a man who wants to propose unable to afford it. Umar bin Khatab (may Allah be pleased with him) advised people not to be excessive in dowries, but did not prohibit people from agreeing among themselves on dowries of any amount.
Some of our sisters still have a single marital status and haven’t found their other half yet. They shouldn’t worry about this and need to be wise and patient. Remember what Allah (the Sovereign and Exalted) says in the Holy Qur’an:
“Say: “Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us; He is our Protector.” And upon Allah let the believers rely.” (Qur’an 9:51).
Maybe Allah (the Sovereign and Exalted) wants to reward you with something great and this ordeal is a test for you. So make istighfar as much as you can, and pray to Allah (the Sovereign and Exalted) to grant you victory and peace, and to fill your heart with serenity and love. Then make lots of du’a asking Allah (the Sovereign and Exalted) to give you good future spouse’s.
Recite this du’a from Al-Qur’an:
“And those who say,”Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (Qur’an 25: 74)
May Allah (the Sovereign and Exalted) give us success in finding a righteous spouse and May Allah (the Sovereign and Exalted) guide us in HIS straight path.
اللهم إن كان في كلامي زلل او خطأ فمني ومن الشيطان ، وإن كان كلامي صوابا فمن الله وحده ، وارجوا منه المغفرة
O Allah if what I have written is wrong, it is from me and from shaytan, and if what I have written is right, it is from Allah, the only One, and please forgive me.
Aamiin
Source: http://www.arabnews.com/news/456895
http:// www. Onislam.net/family reading
