Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, and peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, the Seal of the Prophets and Chief of the Messengers, and upon all his family and companions
Most people who get married between cultures come from different families and different nationalities. In many instances they have settled in the country of the husband or wife or in another country away from both of their families. Have you ever heard of a wedding in which couples are from different nationalities but where they come from the same grandfather? That’s my marriage. I do not know whether this marriage can be included as an interracial marriage but to me, every marriage is an intercultural marriage.
I never thought that I would marry my cousin and live in Saudi Arabia. We are cousins, but we had never met. I, an Indonesian, was born and grew up in Jakarta and he, a Saudi Arabian, was born in Cairo-Egypt and grew up in Saudi Arabia. One day he came to Jakarta for vacation and asked for my hand. I remember the Indonesian proverb, salt in the sea and the fruit acids in the mountain, both of them meet in the pot. Subhanallah.
Everything happens in this world by the will of Allah (SWT) and is not by coincidence but according to what Allah (SWT) has set up properly. Whatever He wills- happens, and whatever he does not will- does not happen. Allah (SWT) has a plan for us, but fulfillment of that plan is up to us, the choices we make, our degree of faith, and our persistence and determination. There is no doubt that Allah (SWT) has decreed everything that happens in the universe from the beginning of time to the end, and that Allah (SWT) has written it all in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz (the Book of Decrees).
“Know you not that Allah knows all that is in the heaven and on the earth? Verily, it is (all) in the Book (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz). Verily, that is easy forAllah” ( Al-Hajj 22:70.).
Looking back decades (20 years) ago when my husband asked for my hand, I was surprised. At that time I had just finished my university and was awaiting the graduate ceremony. We had just met each other and had gotten to know one another during his one month vacation in Jakarta. I spoke only a little bit of Arabic and although I read Al-Qur’an the daily Arabic language is different from the language of Al-Qur’an, and he cannot speak Indonesian at all. So we spoke English when we communicated. I told my parents about his marriage proposal and they were very happy and supportive of this marriage. Maybe this would also be acceptable for me and it made me happy when I saw them happy. Rhida (pleased) parents are Ridha to Allah (SWT) too. This marriage could also be a bridge for families that have been separated since a long time ago.
When I accepted my cousin’s proposal of marriage, I did not think about the consequences in the future, including the differences in our cultures, languages, customs, mores, environments and other constraints. I believed my husband would help me in adapting to a new life and atmosphere. He is a man who Allah (SWT) has sent to me and he is a good, responsible, kind, wise man as I soon found out when communicating during his holiday tours with my family. Alhamdulillah, I made my choice. May Allah (SWT) bless us.
The first two years of marriage were so hard for me. I stayed with my mother in law (May Allah give mercy to her soul) in Jeddah and my husband was working in another city (Dhahran) and he came home every two weeks. I was in a new home with new people in a new city with new customs and everything looked different.
I had never stayed far away from my parents, my sisters and my brothers before then. They were always around me, but after marriage, I had to go far away from them (the distance is 10 hours by plane). Living far away from them made me home sick. I was a spoiled girl, the youngest daughter at home, and although my relationship with my husband and his family is good, my mother in law was so nice to me as were his brothers and sister, my family has a special place in my heart. My mother in law and my sister in law taught me how to cook Arabic food and told me about the Saudi Arabian customs, but it wasn’t quite the same as my relationship with my own family.
Some difficulties to adapt to in the beginning of marriage are:
First the language. Our languages are different: the way they speak is loud, but I speak softly. They talk very fast and loud. I stood still, with a surprised expression when they were talking to each other. I questioned whether they were talking or fighting? There is a funny story about this. One day my mother in law spoke with the driver so loudly that I guessed she was very angry. So after she left I asked him why she was angry with him. He said that she was not angry but she asked him to go to the market to buy something. Also, during family gatherings, they spoke Arabic as most of them cannot speak English, and I didn’t understand what they were talking about. I just smiled until I asked my husband or my sister in law the meaning so that I could understand what they were talking about. I told myself that I have to learn this language. Yes, language is very important for communicating with each other.
