How To Maintain Your Relationship With Your Spouse
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah.
Marriage is a natural necessity for every human being. Islam aims to establish marital life on the grounds of mutual respect and understanding between the spouses. The rights of wives and husbands are completely described in the Glorious Quran where the central purpose of marriage is described as seeking to attain sukun (tranquility and peace). This can never be achieved through impulsive sexual fulfillment without being accompanied by mutual love, affection, caring, and sharing, which are all part and parcel of a fulfilling and productive marital relationship.
The Almighty Allah refers to this bond of love and affection between a husband and wife in the Qur’an:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect (30:21).”
The Holy Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘The best of you among women are those who possess love and affection’.”
Every woman who has married should want a harmonious atmosphere in her marriage. Being a good wife is not so easy, even she has an almost perfect husband. Maintaining a harmonious relationship is not as easy as the turning of the palm of the hand, but rather it takes effort and sacrifice. To be a successful wife, she should win over her husband’s heart and be a source of comfort to him.
In Islam, taking care of husband has an important position. It has been equated to the role of Jihad (holy war in the path of Allah). “Imam Ali Radhiallahu ‘anhu stated: ‘The Jihad of a woman is to take care of her husband well’.”
The following provides some tips that will help the bond with your spouse, In shaa Allah:
To be a good wife, you have to be able to communicate effectively in order to keep your romance alive. Be your husband’s best friend. Develop true intimacy and unconditional acceptance. Demonstrate a willingness to be vulnerable, and be confident that your relationship can withstand conflict. Talk to your husband, express your feelings and share your story with him. Greet your husband always with a sweet smile, and be nice and polite with speech full of tenderness.
If there is a problem, try and solve disputes on the same day when they occur.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said;
“Don’t let disputes stay until the next day but solve it the same day.”
Shaytan is always there to cause fitna for people especially between the husband and wife, so it is important not to let disputes last longer than a day otherwise small issues will seem very big. We must learn to forgive each other for the sake of maintaining a good relationship
-Respect and Trust:
Spouses should respect and trust each other, and you will get respect if you give respect. Although love is an essential part of marriage, do not take it for granted or abuse each other by thinking that your partner will always love you regardless of ill treatment. Trust him, make him feel secure by showing trustworthiness and kindness. A wife should strive to be cheerful and encouraging towards her husband and family, and to keep their home comfortable.
-Spending Time Together:
The husband and wife are partners in a life that is bonded in marriage; the sacred marriage that brings togetherness. Both should share joys and sorrows together. Spend time together after a busy day is a nice way to bond. Dress up for him. Make him feel happy when looking at you. Kissing, hugging, and nice words are part of increasing love for each other.
-Be An Obedient Wife:
Allah Almighty says:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .” (Qur’an 4:34)
A wife should accept her husband as the head of her household, should give him full respect and carry out his wishes with a clear conscience. Your spouse has the responsibility of taking care of you and your family by providing a living for you and protecting you. The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior.
-Be A Qana’ah Wife
Appreciate and thank your husband for what he gives you and for what he does for the family. Show that you are satisfied with his efforts and hard work. Pray for him, by asking Allah to give him vast fortune, blessings and useful wealth for families.
The Prophet (PBUH) said:
“On the Day of Judgment, God will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband.”
Thank your husband for the nice things he does as this is an important virtue and to be the opposite of this is a characteristic of the women of hell fire. Always say, “Alhamdulillah” (Praise be to Allah) for whatever He gives us (or doesn’t give us).
A frank attitude, honesty, and courage is the key to happiness in home life. Accept your husband as he is and let him know that you would never want him to change in any way for you: give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Love him for who he is, and he’ll love you unconditionally in return. Avoid degrading speech and uplift him with words that increase his self-esteem, expecting the same in return. This will in turn encourage him to respect, trust, and forgive you.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said; “To change your partner the way you wish, be the model for them.”
Be an example to your husband and let your actions convey your personality and character.
A happy home and a harmonious family is a dream for every believer. The Prophet, Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, has set an example for us about how to build a household of harmony and he is the best exemplary. Every husband must realize that there is a hero in his home behind the scenes, the carrier of peace and serenity for their home, namely his wife.
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Rabbana Hablana min azwaajina wadhurriy-yatina, Qurrata a’ayun wa-jalna lil-muttaqiina Imaama
O my Rabb! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous [25:74]
When everything is done with a sincere heart to obtain the blessing of Allah, everything will be light and easy.
May Allah bless our marriages. Allahumma Aamiin.