In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Praise be to Allah
Marriage (Nikah) is an essential part of life and it is important to devote quality time and consideration in choosing the person in which you will spend the rest of your life. Its importance has been mentioned in the Quran and the Sunnah repeatedly in many places.
Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala, said:
“O you people! Be careful of your duty toward your Lord, Who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from them twain scattered countless men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah, through whom you ask (your rights) of one another, and toward the wombs (that bore you). Indeed! Allah has been a Watcher over you, an Observer ” [Al-Qur’an: An-Nisa’ (4:1)].
Rasulullah, Shalallahu ‘alaihi Wa Sallam, said:
“Young men, those of you who can afford to get married should do so, for it helps you lower your gaze and preserves your chastity; but those who cannot should fast, for it is a means of cooling the sexual passion.” (Al-Bukhari).
So, what if a man feels that his heart is inclined towards a particular woman and he is ready to marry the woman – how does he ask for her hand?
– In this matter, if a person intends to ask for her hand, he should follow the way that is permitted in Islam and should propose marriage to her through her Wali (guardian) on his own, or with one of his relatives such as his father or brother, or he may delegate someone else to propose marriage on his behalf. The prevalent customs should be followed. In some countries it is regarded as improper for the suitor to go on his own so attention should be paid to that.
Her Wali (guardian) is usually her father. If the woman’s father is not present or available, another relative like a brother, uncle, or grandfather can be the Wali. If none of these relations is available, a Muslim ruler or a Muslim judge can be her Wali. If this is not possible, a prominent or trustworthy member of a Muslim community can be the Wali.
Rasulullah, Shalallahu ‘alaihi Wa Sallam, emphasized the importance of the father’s consent in numerous narrations such as:
“Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” (Narrated by Ahmad.)
Marriage strengthens mutual relationships between the family of the bride and the family of the groom thereby strengthening the bonds of society as a whole. Love between man and woman in the Islamic context can only be realized and expressed in a legal marriage. In order to develop a healthy way to express love between a man and a woman, and to provide security so that such love relationship can flourish, it is necessary to protect it based on Shari’ah (Islamic law).
Islam recommends a man to see and talk to a woman he proposes to marry, but in the presence of her Mahrams and during the proposal. Rasulullah, Shalallahu ‘alaihi Wa Sallam, told his companion Al-Mughirah Ibn Shu`bah to see the woman he wanted to marry, so that they may develop feelings toward each other.( Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087), al-Nasaa’i (3235) and Ibn Maajah (1865) from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah Radhiallahu ‘anhu.)
– The proposal of marriage sometimes ends with agreement and sometimes does not. If the girl and her family agree, then a mahr (dowry) has to be agreed upon and they will discuss the wedding expenses and the wedding date, and so on. This also varies according to local customs, according to what the man can afford and what preparations he has made for getting married. Some people do the proposal and marriage contract in one sitting and some delay the marriage contract until after the engagement, while consummation is delayed until after the marriage contract. All of that is permissible.
