Continuing my posting about premarital finances a few weeks ago, there are other things that also need to be 
considered by prospective couples who are getting married. Assuming that the couple is not always a single/bachelor, not the first marriage for both parties, nor a wedding without past experience.
When each prospective husband / wife has gone through the journey of life, problems, trials and temptations, these questions may need to be considered, and then, if necessary, they can be asked to the potential mate. Most of these questions are collected from interviews, counselling sessions and various sources. They may not cover all the bases that are needed, but these questions can give you some ideas of what question to ask. Use and ask the following questions carefully and with good judgment. These questions are 2-way questions. The prospective husband can ask to the prospective wife and vice versa:
1. How does the future husband or wife express his/her anger? Is there a background of violence? Has he/she as a potential husband / wife experienced violence while growing up? Or been a victim of domestic violence? Has been a perpetrator of domestic violence? If so, what he/she has been done to improve it?
2. How does the future husband or wife behave during the crisis? Crisis is a test for everyone. Behavior during the crisis can says a lot about a person’s personality. What is his or her response to critical situation?
3. How does the future husband or wife understand the right and obligation of husband and wife in Islam? Completely does not understand? Or only have minimal knowledge and a lot of improvising with his/her own thoughts? Does he/she learn this special preparation for marriage? How important is it for him/her?
4. How is his/her health background? Is there any inherited disease? Is there a hereditary disease? Does he/she ever get involved drug abuse? Ever had an abortion? Involved in risky sexual behaviour? Does it stop? How does it stop? What cause it to stop?
For ex-drug users, especially IDUs (intravenous drug users), it is advisable to conduct medical tests before marriage, including Hep C and HIV test.
For those who had an illegal abortion, not by medical personnel, and not in health facilities, should also conduct a medical examination to ensure her health and reproductive condition. Likewise for those who ever performed risky sexual behaviour, need to test for STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).
Perform medical tests before marriage as a form of responsibility and compassion to couples and new families. Hiding health status and not being truthful about health background is an irresponsible act.
5. If the prospective husband or wife has a former husband / ex-wife, how the interaction will be done after the new marriage? Discuss limitations and preferences. Keep referring to the rules and constraints in Islam.
6. If the prospective husband / wife had children from a previous marriage, what about childcare after marriage? For woman who marry a man who already has children from his previous marriage, please realize that the responsibility of the afterlife as a father indeed great. The woman should be a partner (to take care of the children) for the father.Similarly, it should be realized that a thorough financial responsibility of the father to the child, whoever the child live at present or after the wedding. For those who is married to a woman who already has children from her previous marriage, it is necessary to be able to put himself well and keep the lineage (nasab) the children to their real father.
7. If the prospective husband / wife had been married before, how the validity of a previous divorce? Whether done in accordance with procedures of religious law and civil right? Is the letter completeness is true, valid, or genuine? Check the status of the prospective husband / wife. Especially for things related to legal issues.
If getting married to a widower / widow, ask about the original divorce certificate from a previous marriage. Currently there are fake divorce certificates. Therefore, there is nothing wrong to do a further examination of the validity of divorce certificate. Attend to the religious court or government agency which issued the divorce certificate, check the database there. Match the number, the name of the plaintiff, the defendant, and the clerk of signature.
There is also a real but fake divorce certificate. Using appropriate letterheads, the number is there, but the name of the defendant – the plaintiff is different, and the sign is not by a religious court clerks. We need to be careful!
Why is the validity of documents relating to earlier divorce important? Because, it determines the new marriage legal status. Marriage that is based on false legal documents will be legally flawed. Therefore, the divorce should refer to the rules of religion and registered legally, properly, and according to the rules of procedure.
What if it turns out false documents? There are two ways of solutions: by the law for case of forgery or propose a new claim to the religious courtfrom either party, to obtain a valid divorce certificate.
Perhaps my note today is very far from the image of the blooming wedding. But turning a blind eye to the fact is also not a wise action. Just as a reminder, for the knowledge to be shared. The decision to marry remains on your hand.
