When summing up my path towards the Pursuit of Happiness in one line, my journey on this pursuit is ironic. Ironic, you ask? Yes. And I’ll explain why.
In a seemingly weakest state, I wondered how and where to start in such a pursuit. I eventually began with what I had at hand and decided to leave my safe abode to explore new territory. Instead of heading to the East, I set my journey towards the West.
I have lived as a majority in a country that recognizes Islam as its official religion and where manifesting my faith, be it in public or at home, can be done at no cost at all. Over time, however, I stopped learning, thinking that the knowledge that I possessed about my deen was sufficient. And at the same time, I was very involved in achieving success upon success.
Secondly, endeavoring to the West became an impetus to reconnect with my roots and encompassed several poignant questions:
1. Where I came from?
2. What is my purpose?
3. Where am I heading?
These questions then created a road-map that spanned eight years, and still counting. The road-map took me back to the rich knowledge of the Islamic tradition where I stumbled upon my dear brothers and sisters that reverted to Islam and where they live as a minority in their countries. My heart then whispered, “How are they able to put forward such a profound argument? How are they able to build those thought provoking blocks with certitude? What about me?”
The same situation recurred when I began attending discourses and seminars back in my home country as I observed the newly reverted Muslim brothers doing exactly the same and putting forward profound arguments. Deep down, I felt embarrassed. I knew so little about my deen. Those fardh-al-‘ayn or obligatory lessons that I learned between the age of 7 to 15 years old were suitable for my age then, not now. I then went to the University to try to fill the hidden and unexplained vacuum in my heart. I sought to remove the vacuum by pursuing another type of happiness, but the vacuum remained and over time it got deeper and wider.
So, where did I begin? I challenged myself to set aside at least a couple of hours to read and rewrite translations of Al-Qur’an by Abdullah Yusuf ‘Ali and I changed my reading material, radically.
I started reading books on theology, philosophy, history, civilization, psychology, ahadeeth, and epistemology by Eastern, Western and Oriental scholars. In the beginning it was challenging to break the philosophically programmed brain of mine as I learned more about the secularized worldview and worldview of Islam or ru’yatul Islam lil wujud which is the way one looks at reality based on the perspective of Islam.
I finished reading and rewriting the translation of al-Qur’an, word for word on the fourth year of my journey. Prior to that, another yearning enveloped my heart: reading Al Qur’an without the need of a translation. To some extent, it was “torturous.” I was desperate to read al-Qur’an without having to refer to its translation and by then I had finished so many books, and possessed and had read several translations of al-Qur’an.
“What you seek is seeking you,” said Jalaluddin Rumi, and until this day I am an ardent believer in that wisdom. In the 5th year of my pursuit of knowledge, I met several teachers who were the keys to the kingdom of prophetic based knowledge for me, but had my thirst been quenched? Not quite.
The thirst was quenched only temporarily and its delicate texture and subtle sweetness is simply “intoxicating” to me as an awakening student of knowledge. The more I learned about the history of Muhammad (SAW) and his companions, some of the companions of the companions, the classical as well as scholars of our times – I ask myself this, “Would you ever dare to quit learning?”
As to my second premise – why West and not East? I found the answer as follows:
Righteousness is not that you turn your faces toward the east or the west, but [true] righteousness is [in] one who believes in Allah, the Last Day, the angels, the Book, and the prophets and gives wealth, in spite of love for it, to relatives, orphans, the needy, the traveler, those who ask [for help], and for freeing slaves; [and who] establishes prayer and gives zakah; [those who] fulfill their promise when they promise; and [those who] are patient in poverty and hardship and during battle. Those are the ones who have been true, and it is those who are the righteous. [Al-Baqarah 2:177 ]
In relation to my change of orientation from seeking a dimension of happiness to that of seeking the path to knowledge, it is a work-in-progress. My most recent concrete, compounding narration is as narrated by Abu al-Darda’ as follows:
Kathir ibn Qays said: I was sitting with Abu al-Darda’ in the mosque of Damascus. A man came to him and said: AbudDarda, I have come to you from the town of the Apostle of Allah (SAW) for a tradition that I have heard you relate from the Apostle of Allah (SAW).
I have come for no other purpose. He said: I heard the Apostle of Allah (SAW) say: If anyone travels on a road in search of knowledge, Allah will cause him to travel on one of the roads of Paradise. The angels will lower their wings in their great pleasure with one who seeks knowledge, the inhabitants of the heavens and the Earth and the fish in the deep waters will ask forgiveness for the learned man. The superiority of the learned man over the devout is like that of the moon, on the night when it is full, over the rest of the stars. The learned are the heirs of the Prophets, and the Prophets leave neither dinar nor dirham, leaving only knowledge, and he who takes it takes an abundant portion. [ Book 19, Number 3634 of Sunan Abu Dawood ]
In a nutshell, I learned that my narration of happiness lies in the pursuit of knowledge. That pursuit keeps my state of being vibrant and my heart, young.
