Fellow Muslim Mommies!
As a mother and a working Muslima, I find it second nature to be the “director” of my children and my work. At work I am driven by sense of responsibility and pride. Because the worst thing is to underperform in the eyes of your boss and your peers. So you do what is necessary by swallowing your impatience when other team members or subordinates and even your boss gets the best of you.
As a mom raising children in America, the motivation lies in making the children the best they can be. And unlike in the office your impatience isn’t in check. So, there is a tendency to blow “a little” out of control. But Allhamdulillah the blow out is not because of really bad behavior but more because that my children have their on opinions and ways of doing things and they aren’t about to give up their ways because Mom said so. Hmmmph! Right? Wrong Mom…
Now Americana culture emphasis on independence and initiative. Which, I am a huge advocate of that. I emphasis this in our daily lives by no longer packing their lunches nor organizing their day which include homework, preparing for exams and attending baseball practice. They are in complete charge of making sure to hit the goals of each of their activities. Masha Allah. I am proud because now conversations are about what’s going on with their lives and what’s new or interesting not really about asking them if they have completed their school work, made it to practice etc.
However, there is one point I have missed and was completely blind-sided. What was it? It is that with initiative and independence comes opinions and working-styles that are not precisely yours. Ah. Mind of their own. I am no longer in full ‘dictatorship’ control.
This has been the hardest part, to relinquish the controlling nature that mothers naturally have — I included. This feeling I feel makes me think of my parents. Subhannallah life is truly a circle and what I probably said and acted as a kid, is on its way back to me through my own children!
Thinking about them has calmed me down quite a bit. What I wanted at their age is respect and acknowledgement that I could make good decisions and take care of my business. I now have to do the same for my children. It’s nothing like the present to get them ready for this very tough world, and best to do this while we are still around to catch them if they fall.
I ask Allah to protect our children in this dunia and make them full of Iman and Taqwa to Allah swt. And give them the ability to make sound and wise decisions in their life. Knowledge of the world is many things but without wisdom of the teachings of Islam it doesn’t mean anything.
As mentioned in the Al-Quran Surah At-Tahrim: 6,
O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.
So, fellow mommies, be patient and relinquish that control bit by bit so our children may become a stronger generation than what we are now. It’s all on us to be the leader in our families.
Ameen.
