The seizures had begun after the birth of her youngest child. Upon running a series of tests, the doctors could only conclude that they were due to stress. Medication was tried and a life change was needed to remove the stress back then just as it was needed today. All Serine could think of was her three children. If I die right now, she thought, the children will have to do it alone. Are they ready to handle a mortgage, the bills, and the day to day financial responsibilities? It wasn’t the fear of death that occupied her thoughts; she was a believer in the Almighty’s plan. At forty three she felt comfortable meeting her Maker with her decisions thus far, but she couldn’t help but wonder if she would be able to do one last thing …
Serine had made peace with a lot of things in her life; mainly by accepting that life is not perfect. Life is not about getting everything that you want, it’s about doing your best and being satisfied with the result. Being at peace with oneself is a lifelong pursuit that many pursue but few attain in their lifetime. Serine never gave up hope on the power of prayer and positive thinking. She knew that she was blessed with so much; patience and perseverance through adversity were learned traits. His blessings upon her family were too many to innumerate. She put her trust in God to guide her. He had blessed them with a roof over their heads and most importantly with being happy with as much or as little as He saw fit to bless them with. Many people can spend an eternity contemplating the true meaning of thankfulness, but not Serine. Serine praised God and was truly grateful for all His blessings and for all of the gifts He has bestowed upon her and her family. “So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?” (Holy Quran 55:13).
Only a few months before she found out about the aneurysm, Kyle, an old friend from elementary school, had found her on social media. He had had a huge crush on her when she was thirteen and confessed his love for her even now so many years later. They hadn’t seen each other in thirty years to be exact. He used to follow her around school and in their neighborhood and had professed his love for her when he was twelve. When she told him that she couldn’t date him because it was against her religion and that they could be friends, he was disappointed but as far as she knew, he had accepted this. Kyle had spray painted “Kyle loves Serine” on his parent’s basement wall and had showed this to her brother Malik many years later. Kyle was a reminder of her happy childhood and of the hope that she had then for a happy future. He was at the end of his marriage and Serine worried that if she entertained his wishes to be in her life, even as a friend, she would be the casualty of his emotional turbulence during this difficult time in his life. Despite her better judgment, she loved him too. If only he could be of her faith, the decision would be an easy one. He was a practicing Mormon, whose faith in God was just as strong as hers. She felt that he really understood her and loved her unconditionally. She understood him better than he understood himself and knew that he needed a strong woman in his life just as she needed a strong man in hers. They were both passionate people about everything they did and she prayed about him and their relationship. She knew that if they were united one day she could really feel the love that she was denied all her life. He was of Cuban decent and very handsome but the timing was all wrong. She respected the bonds of marriage and would not be anything more to him than his friend. To be fair, he never asked Serine to be more than his friend at this time, but they both knew that if he was not married, the situation would be different. Kyle had a rough childhood; he grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household. In speaking with him, Serine realized the emotional scars he carried. She would have to tread lightly for she had enough on her plate at that time.
Will I live to finally experience true love? Serine prayed that she wouldn’t die before having the opportunity to be that fortunate. She had fallen in love several times in her life but her relationships were never solid. She wondered why she attracted men who took her for granted and didn’t love her the way that she deserved to be loved. Maybe it was her fault for being so naive and trusting. In her eyes the glass was always half full and never half empty. She allowed men to use her as an emotional crutch without realizing it. Was she doing the same with Kyle? What if Kyle was the one, the soul mate she had been searching for all of her life? He told her he loved her like he loved no other and that God put them together at this point in their lives for a reason. Maybe if they had married when they were young, they would have taken each other for granted. Maybe they needed to suffer on their own until this point so that they could appreciate each other now as adults. Serine had struggled a lot in the past twenty years; it was now her turn to be happy. She felt strongly that she and Kyle, despite their obstacles, would be united. She just needed to be patient and pray about it. She was too vulnerable at this time in her life to give her heart to any man, especially a married one.
