The First Night of Marriage According to the Sunnah
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All Praise is to Allah.
The first wedding night should be a special moment for newlyweds. It should be romantic and intimate. The wedding is a special thing and the night of the wedding must be special too. It is the night where two people embark upon life in a whole new world with its own unique qualities and experiences. The bride and groom may have lived in different worlds before that night and have now come to the state of getting closer to each other and to sharing the same life.
The couple is able for the first time to enjoy what was always before forbidden to them. This new permissibility applies only to each other. For the husband, this person is his wife, his life-partner, the woman who is going to be the mother of his children.
Marriage in Islam is the arrangement for sexual urges within the circle of a religious ritual and is intended to reflect the purest qualities of human love. Of course, this pure and clean unity will need spiritual and bodily unity as well within the bridal chamber and sexual interaction between the husband and his wife should always be done privately. Intercurse should be performed away from others’ observation, including one’s children who live in the same house. The Prophet, Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, also prohibited men and women from talking to others about the details of what happens in their bedrooms. One is only allowed to reveal what is necessary when there are good reasons, such as medical issues.
There are some etiquette rules according to Sunnah about how to perform marital duties:
– The Prophet, Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, recommended the husband to be kind to his bride and to comfort her by offering her something to drink when they meet the first time after the wedding.
Narrated Imam Ahmad from the hadith of Asmaa bint Yazeed ibn al-Sakin who said: I prepared and beautified Aishah for the Messenger of Allah (SAW). Then he came and I called him to see her in all her beauty. He came and sat next to her. He was brought a large cup that contained milk. He drank and then handed it to her. She lowered her head and was shy. Asmaa then said: I rebuked her and told her to take it from the hand of the Messenger of Allah (SAW). She took it and drank some.”
– The husband should place his hand upon his wife’s head and offer a supplication for her.
The Prophet, Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, recommended the couple to start every intercourse by saying: Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim (In the Name of Allah), and by praying to Allah (making a Du`a’) to protect them from Shatan, and to protect the child from Satan if a child comes from that intercourse. (Narrated by: Bukhari).
The Prophet, Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said, “If any one of you marries a woman or buys a servant, he should take her by the forelock, mention Allah’s name [saying, ‘In the Name of Allah’] and pray blessings by saying, ‘O Allah, I ask you for her good and the good of what you have dispositioned her toward and I seek refuge from her evil and the evil you have dispositioned her toward.’” ( Bukhari in Khalaq Afaal al-Ibaad, pg. 22).
He should place his hand upon the front part of her head at the time when he first starts to approach her or after that. He should mention the name of Allah Almighty and then pray for blessings, and then say the supplication that was taught to us by the Prophet (SAW): “O Allah! I ask of you the good of her and the good of what you have placed in her nature, and I seek refuge with you from the bad in her and the bad that you have placed in her nature.” [ Sunan Abî Dâwûd (2160) Sunan Ibn Mâjah (1918)Mustadrak al-Hâkim (2811) and Sunan al-Bayhaqî (7/148)].
– The groom and the bride are also recommended to pray two Raka`ats together when they meet on the first day of Marriage .
It was narrated that Abu Sa‘eed, the freed slave of Abu Usayd, said: I got married when I was a slave, and I invited some of the Companions of the Prophet (SAW), among whom were Ibn Mas‘ood, Abu Dharr and Hudhayfah. … And they taught me and said: When your wife enters upon you, pray two rak‘ahs, then ask Allah, may He be exalted, for the good of what has entered upon you and seek refuge with Him from its evil, then go ahead and approach your wife. Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah in al-Musannaf (3/401) and ‘Abd al-Razzzaaq in al-Musannaf(6/191). Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Its isnaad to Abu Sa‘eed is saheeh.
After perform wudhu and pray two raka’at sunnah prayer and then recite the following du’a:
اَللّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِىْ اِلْفَهَا وَ وُدَّهَا وَ رِضَاهَابىِْ وَ اَرْضِنِىْ بِهَا وَ اَجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا بِاَحْسَنِ اِجْتِمَاعٍ وَ اَنَسِ اِيْتِلاَفٍ فَاِنَّكَ تُحِبُّ الْحَلاَلَ وَ تُكْرِهُ الْحَرَامَ.
Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa rizaaha bi; warz”ini biha, wa-ajma’ baynana bi ah’sane ijtimaa’in wa anasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuh’ibbul h’alaala wa tukrihul h’araam.
O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.
May Allah always guide us on the straight Path. Allah (SWT) knows the Best